Keep your cool

Do you fly off the handle easily or only get angry once you hit boiling point ? In this blog, find out your anger personality.

When was the last time you got angry ? A recent survey shows that the average Brit loses their temper 4 times a day. Top triggers include people pushing in front of us, people not listening, rudeness, going through automated options on the phone then being kept on hold. Sound familiar ? We’ve all been there, but did you know anger is actually a normal – even healthy – emotion ? Here’s how to work out what sort of angry you are…

 

IMPLODERS

Recognise yourself ?

You hate making a scene, find it very hard to say no and are always the first to say sorry after an argument. You’re afraid to show your anger in case you offend others.

Why you do it

“Imploders are terrified of being rejected, so they shelve their anger”, explains Mike Fisher of the British Association of Anger Management. “But you can only do this for so long. It’s like a Coke bottle. If you shake it up, it’ll eventually explode.”

Many people have been taught that anger is bad and, for those who are parents, that losing your temper makes you a ‘bad parent’. So they have learned to wallow their anger rather than find ways to express it healthily. This can lead to lots of frustration and resentment – not good for you or your kids !

Your anger management rules

  • Practise saying no ! Start with pushy cold callers and gradually build up to saying no to an ungrateful colleague. You’ll find that you will soon earn respect.
  • Don’t fantasise: As tempting as it may be, try not to imagine throttling whoever is annoying you – it reinforces your negative state of mind.
  • Use humour to release tensions. Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don’t resort to sarcasm – it can make things worse.
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PASSIVE AGGRESSORS

Recognise yourself ?

You tend to sulk, criticise others and hold grudges. You may not be screaming and shouting, but there’s a very good chance that you’ll snap, ‘I’m fine !’ through gritted teeth.

Why you do it

“This is aggression veiled in passive terms, so it isn’t actually directed at the individual the person is angry with,” says Gladeana McMahon, therapist and author of No More Anger. “They make sarcastic remarks, then say they’re only joking.”

Your anger management rules

  • Identify what it is that you’re really angry about. Is it that you’ve been passed over for promotion ? That your partner never helps around the house ? ‘This will stop you venting it at the wrong people and is the first step to finding a solution,’ says McMahon.
  • Saying, ‘I’m choosing no to get angry about this,’ is surprisingly empowering.
  • Use ‘I” statements when describing the problem to avoid criticising. Say, ‘I’m upset you didn’t help with the housework,’ instead of, ‘You should have helped with the housework.’

 

EXPLODERS

Recognise yourself ?

You lash out verbally in arguments, have little patience and if someone is annoying you, you’ll tell them. You have such a short fuse – the slightest thing sets you off.

Why you do it

“Exploders drop their ‘angrenades’ wherever they go – and everyone else suffers,” says Mike Fisher.

This type of anger can affect your work: angry people are seen as less competent by their colleagues, according to a Yale University study.

Exploders risk their health too. Researchers from Washington State University found that adults who express anger by lashing out at others are more likely to have fatty calcium deposits in their arteries, which raises blood pressure and increases the risk of heart disease.

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Your anger management rules

  • Distance yourself from the situation – either physically (walk away until you’ve calmed down) or mentally (take a deep breathe and consciously relax your muscles). Then ‘say’ rather ‘show’ your anger – and keep it simple. For instance, instead of ranting when your teen comes home late, say: ‘I’m angry with you for staying out late. We’ll discuss it in the morning.’
  • Pick your battles and learn when to let things go. Ask yourself, ‘Will this thing matter in 5 minutes ? 5 months ? 5 years ?’ If not, don’t waste energy on it.
  • Practise relaxation skills to help control your temper. Do some deep-breathing exercises, visualise a relaxing scene or repeat a calming phrase to yourself, such as ‘Take it easy’.

 

Did you know ?

Repressing your rage can stress your heart, make pain more acute and lead to depression.

So let it out !

 

PS: I’d love to know what you thought of this blog, hit me up in the comment section or alternatively drop me a message. I answer every email, just ask.

 

PPS: Found this helpful ? It would mean the world to me if you joined the Fit Amputee powered by James Roberts Fitness community. Because if you don’t, how are you going to get through all the bull… Simply sign up below.

 

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